It can be very hard to see the signs you’re insecure in a relationship when you’re deep into it.
However, when our relationships begin to crumble, many times it becomes very easy to see insecurities were at the root of its demise. Insecurities come in all shapes and sizes — for those single and those who are paired off.
The trouble with insecurities in relationships is that it starts to affect both people in the couple. Those of us who enter a relationship feeling wonderful and confident might leave it feeling more insecure than a teen with braces at the peak of puberty.
Why not trump it before it gets out of hand? Here are four signs you’re insecure in your relationship, and some ways to fix it:
1. You have a constant need to check their phone
You wake up in the middle of the night and see your significant other sleeping soundly beside you. What’s your first move? If you immediately grab their phone to check up on them, this point is directed towards you. You may find yourself constantly looking for opportunities to snag your partner’s phone for a minute to see who they’ve been texting, calling, direct messaging, or the like. Sure, you might think it’s innocent to monitor what they’re doing, but this invasion of privacy is one of the major signs of ROCD. This sign of insecurity can also be apparent when you have a constant need to check their Internet history and/or drop in to check up on them in person unexpectedly.
2. You don’t want them to do anything without you
Feeling totally anxious at the mere thought of him or her having casual drinks with their coworkers after work? Stop right there
in a relationship a major sign of insecurity is lack of trust. If you can’t trust that your partner can be anywhere alone without something happening, it’s time to either revaluate your own insecurities, or the relationship as a whole.
3. You find yourself asking about “the Ex” regularly
“Do you think they’re prettier than me?” “Do you ever think about them?” “Do you miss them?” These are all common questions asked by those who are insecure in their relationship, and all questions I used to ask when I was insecure in a previous relationship. By asking these questions — and hopefully getting the answers we want — we reassure ourselves that we’re worthy. But, ultimately, you have to be secure with yourself and your own worth before entering a relationship, or it will never be successful.
4. You don’t want to do anything without your partner
Think about this: Have you completely abandoned your own life, so that you can fully merge with your partners? This means ditching your friends, family and other things that were previously important to you. If so, this might be cause for an instant red flag.
It’s only natural that during the “honeymoon” phase of any relationship we want to spend a ton of time with our significant other. However, if it’s months and months down the road and you feel you can’t do anything without them, it’s likely an insecurity rearing it’s ugly head.
How to fix it
If you find it really is your insecurities speaking, it’s time to change your mindset before you end up destroying the relationship all together, to begin with put your imagination to rest — it’s likely what’s gotten you to this place to begin with. Once you stop imagining scenarios of what your partner is doing, you’ll begin to see the truths much more easily.
Giving your significant other some breathing space, and giving yourself some too. Yes, you’re a couple, but yes, you’re also individuals.
It’s OK to do things apart once in a while, and to maintain a sense of self. Another major trick is to stop allowing yourself to compare your current relationship to past ones. Finally, rather than regularly seeking your partner’s reassurance, instead seek your own. Once you start fully loving yourself, you’ll see these relationship insecurities begin to diminish slowly but surely.
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